Those of you who have been bribed/blackmailed into beta-reading our stories probably know by now how freaking anal we are about realism and little details. Sometimes it borders on insanity, really.
And sometimes us watching TV borders on insanity as well.
We decided to give Falling Skies a go yesterday. What intrigued us was the whole idea of a rag-tag group of humans opposing a dangerous, superior force called Skittles or Ticklers or something. They are these bug-like aliens conceived by an anachrophobic mind.
In the center of everything stands a rather intriguing character: Tom Mason, a white (of course) history prof of some kind, played by Noah Wyle. He’s not half-bad really. Doesn’t look too Hollywoodian and boring unlike his older son in the show, and the son’s girlfriend. They are like walls and act about as skillfully too. Our hearts sang when Tom told his son who asked for ammo that it’s not a clip, it’s a mag. Finally they get it! Most shows are purely ignorant to this (granted, some pros call a magazine a clip too, but it just feels wrong). So we love little details like that and thought that, okay, this show seems promising in that regard too.
All of a sudden it turns out that this reality lacks two things rather important when it comes to survival:
1) sharp-shooters and rifles specifically meant for sharp-shooting
And there is absolutely no reason why they couldn’t have both. Tom goes on about “we can beat them aliens if we just get close enough to get a headshot.” Like, you could shoot those bastards from half a mile away with a bolt-action rifle (I guess the aliens ate all Remington 700s), just stop wasting all that precious ammo shooting only full auto (which is a dumb thing to do anyway unless you’re laying cover fire)! No wonder you can’t kill anybody with such spray and pray tactics! And then everyone just walks in long caravans. Oh, are bikes too uncool? Are the aliens major bike thieves? See what the problem is? The writers have done such a half-assed job it’s impossible to keep watching because we know the main antagonist, the aliens, could be fought effectively if someone had done their homework. It makes the fight moot for us; we can’t give two turds about the characters because we feel like they deserve to die for being so stupid.
So at this point we just couldn’t bother taking it seriously anymore. We went crazy with “what if this happened in real world,” our minds flooding with scenarios of how Earth would (not) survive:
1) Western Europe and Australia would be screwed because guns are so very banned. What are the Brits going to fight the Skittles with? Teapots and crumpets? At least Aussies can throw poisonous animals at the Skittles.
2) The USA have guns, all right, but the people are so fat they would have mobility scooter caravans instead of skinny survivors marching on. Who’s gonna push them if the scooter gets stuck in mud?
3) Eastern Europe and Russia would do all right, China too. Dragunovs and Nagants galore, aliens would steer clear.
4) The Japanese would probably commit collective seppuku because they are gunless, and these aliens have pretty good armor, so katanas would be pretty useless. On the other hand, the Skittles might stay out of Nippon if they saw some of that tentacle porn…
5) Northern Europe and Canada might survive because it’s so cold there, so Skittles might not even bother venturing in the middle of nowhere to freeze their insectile asses off, plus there are a lot of hunting rifles to shoot these assholes with and skilled hunters who can pick off a small, quickly moving target 200 yards away.
6) South-America… yeah, you guys, you’ll do all right – if Skittles like sniffing coke! There’s your tactic, get them hooked on the good stuff and you’ll live like kings.
7) Africa. Sorry, largely overrun. Bugs like warmth. South-Africa might do all right; they’ll just fence in the Skittles Apartheid-style.
8) Israel and Arab-countries would kick ass. Those cats know how to fight. Hell, almost all Israelis have served in IDF, so they’d know which way to point a rifle, and they’d know to avoid “spray-and-pray.”
How would you survive an alien invasion? Do you have your bug out -bag ready in case the apocalypse hits and you have to run? ; )
P.S. Please note that this post is written very much tongue-in-cheek and is not meant to be taken seriously.