Boys, Sheath Your Swords for the Summer!

Prepare to get your boxers and panties in a bunch.

Months ago I wrote a blog rant about Finland’s Eurovision song Marry Me by Krista Siegfrids, which was deemed sexist because women shouldn’t be madly in love blah blah that’s chauvinism blah blah master is a curse word yadda yadda.

Now the first-world feminists of Finland have done it again. This time the target of their rage is Cheek’s summer hit called Jossu (feat. Jukka Poika). It’s a so-called annual kesäkumi-song, written to promote contraception. Every year a Finnish artist or band writes a song about sex and the importance of using the rubber, and the song is ordered by one of the biggest radio stations in Finland, Yle X, as well as the Red Cross.

In this post I will compare Jossu to an earlier kesäkumi –song by a female duo PMMP called Kumivirsi (“rubber hymn.” omg, blasphemy!).

Jossu (2013) is a song about a boy who has a reputation of sleeping around (probably a BS rep anyway, right? Right, haha, high five!). But then he falls in love with a girl called Jossu who has a habit of dating several boys at the same time and this kind of upsets the protagonist.

Jossun kaa olin omissa maailmoissani (with Jossu I was in my own little world)

en harkinnut omilla aivoillani (didn’t use my brains)

His friends try to warn him: “dude you’re gonna get your heart broken. You ain’t her only bf” :

Frendit koitti soittaa (My friends tried to call)

ja varoittaa (and warn me)

Oh, poor guy— wait, no, guess what this is?

Slut-shaming! Yes, I’ll say it again, slut-shaming! Cheek, why have you written us a song about your broken heart? Don’t you know that it’s misogynistic, chauvinistic, sexist, and labels women as HUGE SLUTS which is A BAD THING! You have no right to share your teenage heartache with us, get it? Also, stop being such a pussy. Just deal with it. She dates three guys at the same time. So what? Consider yourself lucky you get any action at all. No reason to get upset if you find a used rubber which isn’t yours in her tent while you guys are doing it.

***

Kumivirsi (2009) is a song about a lady looking for love during summer time. I love it how girl empowering it is!

Vaikka olen nainen niin isken niin kuin mies (even though I’m a woman, I hit [on people] like a man)

Asettukaa riviin, tänään prinssi valitaan (line up, today I will choose my prince.)

I feel so empowered when I listen to this; I feel like I have the courage to line up the guys according to my whim–while I at the same time condemn beauty pageants for women–and look at them with a critical eye, hmm, he’s got a nice ass, but his muscles are bigger, oh but his eyes are dreamy, who am I gonna pick? Boys, jump through hoops of fire, I wanna see who jumps the best! And I love the pun about hitting, ‘cause you know, men are known about punching each other and their women too, while women suck at punching, I mean, you should see my right hook! It’s pathetic. I can’t punch at all, I—

think I’m gonna puke now because I’m so full of shit.

***

If truth be told, I find some of this debate about Cheek’s song hypocritical and double-standard-y. PMMP was never accused of sexism or reinforcing stereotypes (which in this day and age surprises me, to be honest), but if a boy feels kind of cranky about a girl deceiving him, he’s slut-shaming. He’s a sexist.

Yes, I understand there’s this problem in our society that women who have an active sexual life are more often frowned upon and bullied than men, which sucks, and that there’s this whole stud vs. slut juxtaposition (by the way, have you heard the term ‘manslut’? Is that positive or negative?). It’s a sad phenomenon, but I hardly think Cheek contributes to this. It depends a lot on the person who listens to the song and interprets the lyrics. My honest opinion? I think he intentionally misheard the lyrics of a ’90s pop hit Jos Sulla On Toinen (If you have another [lover]) by Taikapeili, ’cause it can also sound like Jossulla On Toinen (Jossu has another [lover]), and ended up writing about Jossu who is somewhat polygamous. Cheek doesn’t even use the word ‘slut’ (or its Finnish equivalent) in the lyrics. Likening him to the dipshit assholes of Steubenville based on the song would be taking a step–nay, leap–too far.

Besides, there are these marvelous concepts like SlutWalk. That’s the spirit! That’s when we women reclaim the term, like gays reclaimed ‘queer.’

Yet let’s face it, man or woman, you are going to feel real shitty if your crush isn’t of the monogamous type. I think everyone has the right to write a song about that, just like everyone has the right to criticize it and raise debate and discourse over it. It’s always good to talk about cultural phenomena, and maybe it’ll make boys and girls think how they treat e.g. a friend who has an active socio-sexual life. I guess I could tell a close friend s/he’s a total dick-bitch if s/he fucks around without letting his/her partners know it was all about copulation, but in the end everyone’s sex life is their own business.

Seriously, it’s possible to sleep around without being a jerk about it (duh!).

Enjoy the summer guys, and keep your swords sheathed if you decide to have happy times with a stranger.

Have a happy summer!

Have a happy summer!

Enjoy the summer gals, and if someone tells you in a shitty attitude “you’re such a slut” just say you’re proud of it and maybe punch them in the face BECAUSE GIRLS CAN PUNCH.

-K. Trian

Sources & further reading (Finnish):

Lyrics from songlyrics and Lirama
Jossu-kolumni ei ole plagiaatti
Jossulla on monta
Jossulla on maine
Cheek
Jukka Poika

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School’s Out, Summer’s Here!

By K. Trian

Oh happy day. Yesterday I handed in my last school assignment (I know it’s crap, but as long as I pass the course), today the sun is shining, and it’s warm like in the Mediterranean (Finnish summers usually equal lots of rain and mosquitoes).

We also made some progress yesterday with the revision of our WIP, Solus. Took big chunks of boringness and fluff out and fought a little over how women react when there’s another naked lady in the room who isn’t supposed to be naked (I still hold women are so accustomed in the existence of boobs they wouldn’t make a big deal out of someone else’s, though, of course, individual variation is entirely possible).

I was messing with balloons before the event. I work part-time at DHL.

I was messing with balloons before the event. I work part-time at DHL.

I’m also pretty stoked ‘cause I ran 10K last Sunday in a women’s only running event Naisten Kymppi. Thanks, DHL, my part-time workplace for paying the entrance fee! 51 min isn’t much to brag about, but I had fun, and that’s the important thing. T. Trian participated in StadiCup 2013 match 2 (SSG), practical pistol shooting, on Wednesday. Their squad didn’t win medals this time, but, again, the important thing is to have fun.

I’m really looking forward to June. We’re planning a road trip to Turku to attend a big Medieval Fair, Keskiaikaiset markkinat., which is going to be so sweet! If only we didn’t have so much work, we could really enjoy the summer, the nightless nights, the warmth, the mosquitoes… Oh well, gotta put the bread on the table somehow, and find time to enjoy the sun and writing. Maybe we’ll finish the revisions for Solus during the summer, ‘cause that’d be awesome.

Have a sunny day everyone and feel free to share your summer plans (or, if your side of the planet isn’t in the summer mode… share something else :D)

Mom's West-Siberian laika, Nora, loves playing in the lake.

Mom’s West-Siberian laika, Nora, loves playing in the lake.